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It has become commonplace to read in our newspapers of a crime somewhere in America amusingly bungled by the criminal's ineptitude.

Droll though these news items may be they reflect an overlooked cost of our current national crisis in education. The basic learning skills of criminals have deteriorated to a shocking degree.

Consider the following:

ITEM. A bank robber in Bumpus, Tenn., handed a teller the following note: "Watch out. This is a rubbery. I hav an oozy traned on your but. Dump the in a sack, this one. No die packkets or other triks or I will tare you a new naval. No kwarter with red stuff on them, too."

Dr. Creon V.B. Smyk of the Ohio Valley Educational Council says such notes are, lamentably, the rule. "Right across the board, we see poor pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling and clarity," he moaned.

Smyk believes that the quality of robbery notes could be improved if criminals could be taught to plan before writing.

"We have to stress organization: Make an outline of your robbery note before you write it," he said. "Some of the notes get totally sidetracked on issues like the make, model and caliber of the gun, number of bullets, etc., until one loses sight of the main idea — the robbery."

ITEM. In Bent Forks, Ill., kidnapers of ice-cube magnate Worth Bohnke sent a photograph of their captive to Bohnke's family. Bohnke was seen holding up a newspaper. It was not that day's edition, and, in fact, bore a prominent headline relating to Nixon's trip to China.

This was pointed out to the kidnapers in a subsequent phone call. They responded by sending a new photograph showing an up-to-date newspaper. Bohnke, however, did not appear in the picture.

When this, too, was refused, the kidnapers became peevish and insisted that a photograph be sent to them showing all the people over at Bohnke's house holding different issues of Success magazine.

They provided a mailing address and were immediately apprehended. They later admitted to FBI agents they did not understand the principle involved in the photograph/newspaper concept. "We thought it was just some kind of tradition," said one.

Educators agree that such mix-ups point to poor reasoning and comprehension skills, ignorance of current events and failure to complete work in the time allotted.

ITEM. Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe using a Lazer Tag gun.

ITEM. Industrial thieves broke into the Bilgetek plant in Canasta, Wash., by crossing a metal catwalk and then blew it up, having forgotten it was their only means of escape.

ITEM. Rustlers in Spavin, N.D., made off with three Saint Bernard dogs, a stationary bicycle and the visiting in-laws of a farmer, after having failed to correctly identify the valuable cattle on the premises.

"No problem-solving abilities, no communication skills, no 'plays and relates well with others,' no nothing," FBI regional director J. Paine Bloomey said, reviewing the state of modem criminality.

"We are talking plain, flat-out, hard-boiled, stupid as pea turkeys."

By contrast, Japanese criminals score in the range of 10 to 15 points higher than their American counterparts in basic skills tests.

In the Japanese underworld, it is considered a matter of honor to execute a thoughtful, grammatical, error-free crime.

Still, experts such as Smyk stop short of demanding a total overhaul of the educational system. "For all their acumen," he says, "Japanese criminals wind up sacrificing a lot of the joie de vivre you see in our guys."